So I was talking to a friend who had been confused by yet another dead-end relationship. It's something that all of us have experienced , but for others it may be a reoccurring misfortune. We meet someone, we exchange numbers, go on a few dates......sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Which is OKAY! However, the problem begins to formulate when you repeatedly enter into the dating game completely overlooking the warning signs and red flags DIRECTLY in front of you! So I asked some of my friends what were some of their biggest red flags when dating someone. Again, I'm no expert, but based on my experiences and the experiences of those around me I think it's safe to say these are all universal signs that say: WARNING!
*Disclaimer: Sorry to my male followers, this is written from the female perspective, but no worries I'll have something for you soon ;-)
1. He's Indecisive...
Can't make up his mind if his life depended on it....especially when it comes to you and the relationship. We all know when we truly want something we HAVE to have it. And if we don't have the means of getting it right now, then we WORK towards getting it. Same thing when you are interested in someone. We have all experienced the "getting to know you stage" when people first meet, but eventually there should be a more concrete understanding so that you both know where you stand on the future relationship, or lack thereof. If you're always confused about what it is you're doing.....then let this be you first of many red flags to come.
2. He loves God but never goes to church.....
Now that's like saying you love a particular restaurant but never want to eat there, have a favorite song but never want to hear it, only rep a certain team but never want to go to a game....it just doesn't make sense! Now some may say whats the big deal with this? As long as he has a relationship with God than what does it matter if he goes to church? And if that's how you feel okay, but as for me, if a guy tells me he loves the Lord but never goes to church, I'm definitely giving him the extreme side-eye. As a Christian woman, I'm looking for a man who has qualities of a spiritual leader. No this does not mean we should be waiting for God to send us a preacher lol, but it does mean we should want to be with someone who makes God his priority. Which includes, but is not limited to going to church. Amen.
3. You're in a secret service relationship...
So basically what this means is only you, him and Jesus know about this thing lol. Just so we're all clear....that is NOT okay! It's okay to keep the matters of your relationship private, but if you're not allowed to tell anyone that you're with this person....then that's a serious problem. If he wants to keep this relationship a secret you can only imagine how many other "secrets" he has been keeping! Run, quickly.
4. You never hear from them...
In short, you should probably change his name in your phone to "Casper" because he has officially turned into a friendly ghost. He all the sudden becomes a presence as opposed to a person. If you find yourself ALWAYS reaching out to him first or he hits you with those "one" word responses...hate to sound cliche but "he's just not that into you." Don't be that girl who keeps beating a dead horse. It's not worth it. Leave him alone.
5. You only hear from him at night/weekends...
Do I really even need to say more? lol. Last time I checked the phone worked not only on Friday and Saturday nights, but also Monday-Thursday mornings. Please don't fall into the "convenient" trap. If that person really has an interest in a future with you, then you won't have to confine all of your "dates" to a midnight movie night. He can't meet your standards if you don't have any.
6. He never takes you out...
This is to piggy back off of #5. Yes, it's cute to order take-out and just spend a nice, chill relaxing date in the house. But this should not be a privilege given on the 1st (4th or 5th in my opinion lol) date. (In fact, I'll even take it a step further to say if you're choosing to wait before you have sex, these one-on-one intimate encounters should be far and few. Temptation is REAL and you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you could easily fall) If you're noticing that every time they want to meet up it's just kickin' it at their place or your place....run. He obviously doesn't think you're worth taking out....so he should obviously not be worth your time.
7. They tell you they are not interested in a relationship/and or marriage...
One word: RUN! This is not code for "I really want to be with you but don't know how to say it" this in fact means I don't want a relationship. Sticking around to when they might be open to the idea is extremely risky and more than likely when they are ready it won't be with you. So like I said, run. NEVER convince someone to be with you. You're setting yourself and the future relationship up for failure.
8. He does too much too early...
Now everyone is different. Some people are more affectionate than others. However, if it's the first date and he's already trying to find any excuse to touch you....especially those areas that aren't visible...this my friend is a red flag. It doesn't take a mind reader to figure out what's on his mind. Even the terms of endearment too early should make you raise an eyebrow. If he's calling you "baby" after a day....imagine who else he's calling that too.
9. He has no short term, long term, or any term goals....
He's a man with no plan. RUN!!! It's perfectly normal to not know exactly where you're going to be in the next 5 years.....or even 5 months for that matter, but you have to at least have a plan. It's okay if it doesn't unfold exactly the way you mapped it out, but if you don't at least have a direction as to where you want to go....how can I be sure I fit in it? The bible also says a man without wisdom is unstable in all his ways. (James 1:8) I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not trying to enter an unstable relationship.
10. He doesn't bring out the best in you...
So after a period of time you realize you're more stressed, angry, confused and disappointed than you are relaxed, happy, certain and satisfied with the relationship. You realize that you both have the same weaknesses and neither one of you is making the other one a better person...it's definitely not a good sign. This is like trying to make a dead plant grow. It's just not working. Pray and ask God for wisdom and learn when to let a dead relationship go. It's hard, but there is someone better out there who will naturally bring all of the great qualities out of you...even the ones you didn't know existed.
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My real advice to these warning signs is: WAIT ON GOD. If you truly want God to send the right person you have to trust in His timing. You will keep getting frustrated playing the dating game, trust me I know! lol Allow him to prepare you AND him....even if that means kickin' it solo for awhile, you will be alright :)
I'm sure there are plenty more warning signs out there so feel free to comment and add your own. You never know, you might have just helped someone else save their time :)
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